There is no way!

Sometimes we experience something that seems "like it came from a movie" or "from a tv show." That chimerical point of view has lately had me thinking. Movies and TV shows are depictions of real life, perhaps "jazzed up" or given supernatural circumstances, but the base of humor, interaction, relationships, etc- all come from the same base: real life. So I have a real life story for you:

I had been working at Innovative Courier Solutions for several months, probably around a year or so. I work with a group of guys-you know, the type that drink beer on the weekends, know how to fish, know how to get there hands dirty, where polo shirts and standard issue kahki pants or shorts and are constantly hot, even during winter time. I on the other hand, have lived sober forever, haven't fished in over ten years, and wore fashionable clothing that constantly reached outside the boundaries of the traditional polo shirt and kahki pants. Clearly, I was easily identified as 'the different one.'

Now don't get me wrong, being branded as peculiar is nothing new to me, nor do I find it uncomfortable. However, in the business world, I caught on that if you wanted to be appreciated it was advantageous to 'fit in.' So I came up with a plan, I would figure out how I could keep my peculiarity (to maintain my image of standing out) but also fit in with 'the boys.' Every group of boys has 'different one,' to name a few: Egon, Donantello, the Blue Ranger. It was often that my boss (we call him Billy) referred to me as Jake (much more manly name in some circumstances) and would call me a 'strapping buck' because my work ethic was often blazing and I wasn't afraid to get my hands dirty and provide physical help.

One day at work, I was trying to cut something with a pair of sissors (because of course I didn't have a pocket knife, for those who are counting we're up to minus 3 man points) and as I was cutting, Billy walks up and says: "Why don'cha use a knife like a real man?" Now, I thought to respond, "Oh, well uh, I forgot mine today" but that'd be lying so I went with the next best answer which naturally was, "Yeah, I know, I gotta pick me up a new one." Evidently, this was my chance, a pocket knife was a clear answer to fitting in...

I new going to a "manly store" like outdoorsman anything was out of the question, I always tuck my shirt in and wear glasses, there's no way a nerdy fellow like myself would ever survive in a place like that, and although my Eagle Scout status seems impressive, they'd find a way to pick on me. I decided to casually make the approach at the sportsman section at wal-mart. I arrived. I tried to seem like a I knew everything about what I was doing; I started naming different brands, and saying things like, "yeah that's not a bad one there" or "well i'm just not a (insert brand name here) type a guy." I made my purchase quickly: a titanium steel colored pocket knife made by gerber with one of those hook things that you can latch on to your pocket so everyone can see: This guy is a manly man.

So I plan it all out, I'll be at work on Monday with my knife in my pocket, I'll be ready to go. My excitement was similar to that of a 12 year old boy scout going to camp for the first time. I headed into work and acted normal (I belive dressed in classic polo shirt and kahki pants), more than likely talking in a slightly deeper voice that normal and odds are against it that I shaved that day. I believe I was also equipped with (our office favorite team) Gamecock ball cap. Needless to say, I was ready. Only twenty minutes into my day, Chuck (a co-worker) turned to me and said, "Hey man do you have a knife?" You can only imagine the excitement I had, I couldn't believe it! It was like something you'd see on TV! It was great! I calmly hid my raging excitement and less than casually reached my hand in my pocket and said, "yeah, here you go."

He complimented me immediately on the knife's fine luster and asked where I had purchased such a fine tool, I quickly answered saying, "well it might surprise you (trying to express that I didn't go to the classic 'everything store') but i found this one at wal-mart, not a bad price either."

I have since become very "fit it" as the unusually dressed, sober one, who is also slightly a manly man. Oh and by the way, I lost the knife months ago and am back to using scissors.