Thursday, February 19, 2009

Sure, this world is full of trouble
I ain't said it ain't.
Lord, I've had enough and double
Reason for complaint;
Rain and storm have come to fret me,
Skies are often gray;
Thorns and brambles have beset me
On the road — but say,
Ain't it fine today?

What's the use of always weepin',
Making trouble last?
What's the use of always keepin'
Thinkin' of the past?
Each must have his tribulation —
Water with his wine;
Life, it ain't no celebration,
Trouble? — I've had mine —
But today is fine!

It's today that I am livin',
Not a month ago.
Havin'; losin'; takin'; givin';
As time wills it so.
Yesterday a cloud of sorrow
Fell across the way,
It may rain again tomorrow,
It may rain — but say,
Ain't it fine today?

Mr. Bill gave me a great analogy about Chile last night. He talked about how bad the smog is there, and when it would rain it was a sick, nasty tough day of walking around. However, after the rain, there was always atleast a half a day of blue skies. So he began to love the rain, because although it wasn't so fun, he knew that following, would be atleast a half a day's blue skies. Wow. I love it. So, if you might be traveling through a smoggy, nasty rain remember- just around the corner is atleast a half a day of clear, blue skies. Its what gives me hope.

You said it, Douglas...

If you can't be a pine on the top of the hill,
Be a scrub in the valley-but be
The best little scrub by the side of the rill;
Be a bush if you can't be a tree.

If you can't be a bush be a bit of the grass,
And some highway happier make;
If you can't be a muskie then just be a bass-
But the liveliest bass in the lake!

We can't all be captains, we've got to be crew,
There's something for all of us here,
There's big work to do, and there's lesser to do,
And the task you must do is the near.

If you can't be a highway then just be a trail,
If you can't be the sun be a star;
It isn't by size that you win or you fail-
Be the best of whatever you are!

I absolutely love this poem. for the last several weeks at work my co-workers played 'the biggest loser' for weight loss, so i joined in on the fun, only i was trying to gain weight. well, everyone lost weight, even me. so i lost. i came in dead last, b/c i went in the wrong direction! so i'm no good at gaining weight, and that's alright with me. i like to think i'm the best a being little, i don't know too many other people who can fit through key holes, blow away in a healthy wind, and can disappear by turning sideways. so what are you best at?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

one word thing

Here is the one word only survey. You know I must not be at home if I had time to do this. (Work is either crazy or unoccupied. Had some unoccupied time so I figured I might as well do something to keep me busy.)Enjoy reading! Copy and post your one word answers to your blog if you like.

Where is your cell phone? pocket

Your significant other? unclaimed

Your hair? shedding

Your mother? talented

Your father? underappreciated

Your favorite thing? love

Your dream last night? inappropriate

Your favorite drink? juice

Your dream/goal? married

What room you are in? library

Your hobby? writing

Your fear? cold

Where do you want to be in 6 years? alive

Where were you last night? home

Muffins? blueberry

Wish list item? success

Where you grew up? hartsville

Last thing you did? type

What are you wearing? clothes

Your TV? broken

Your pets? nope

Friends? quality

Your life? unpredictable

Your mood? depressed

Missing some one? her

Car? rolling

Something you're not wearing? ring

Your favorite store? target

Your favorite color? green

When is the last time you laughed? night

Last time you cried? temple

Who will resend this? nobody

One place that I go to over and over? toilet

One person who emails me regularly? chuck

My favorite place to eat? italian

Why you participated in this survey? mneh.

What are you doing tonight? sleeping

Surreal

Sunday provided a definitive moment in my life. I went home to Hartsville, centrally purposed to hear mr. will give a talk. i arrived at a familiar building with mary (a familiar friend) and was greeted by familiar faces. i sat in sacrament meeting and was directly touched when dennis stood and mentioned the unique feeling of the Spirit from the gathering of brotherhood which sat before him. i left church that day after having bonded with several friends and family and gave mary a tour of my hometown. i went places i haven't been in over 5 years, and ended up in the cemetery. i looked for ancestors on my side and her side and found one or two. it was nice. for the first time, in what felt like forever, i felt a pure feeling of belonging to something. i felt right at home. the roads seemed smaller than what i remember, but my love for the place much deeper than i've ever felt. i felt the soul swell like wood placed in a pool of water and taken out to dry. i was so filled with love, and so affected by spiritual influence it almost overwhelmed me. it's interesting to me that a hometown is capable of bringing so accurate understanding and feeling. In hometowns, we recollect, we exercise our minds and souls in ways they're rarely used, and when that happens we often times learn something new. i learned to appreciate a little more of what matters most, and to live life to benefit what matters most. the experience in Hartsville was surprising and i loved it.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

All in the Family

surprise parties are interesting. better observed, surprises in general come equipped with irregularity; i think it's the unique rarity which normally makes them so appealing to us. Saturday, could have been known as surpriseday with all the around the corner and out of nowhere occurrences that took place. let me begin with surprise number 1: rupit.

see, rupit, he's my brother in law and he turned thirty a couple sunday's ago but all of us decided to celebrate a week late, but he didn't know all of that. i've always found it a little peculiar how at often times we seem to choose when other people celebrate for their own birthday, shouldn't it be the other way around? oh well, it's not important. so back to rupit: i asked him to come pick me up from the eye doctor and told him i couldn't see. he came and got me and given we were too early to arrive at his surprise party, i stalled. we ended up at bilo to see mary, and out of nowhere she ended up coming with us. Surprise number 2: mary.

so, mary, rupit and myself hop in his toaster cube like car and dash to blythewood. i'm happy. the surprise is secure, my lady is beside me, my heart pounds with joy like a rhyno stomps as if he were playin wack a mole with goffers. we arrive. Surprise! the party is perfect, the plan mastered and completed. success. then outta nowhere like a refund check you weren't expecting the phone rings, not mine, mary's phone. she forget to give her sister her keys so she's stranded, we leave. back to garner's ferry is a good 25 minute drive if you're lucky. making haste is far from our advantage and all i can do is feel like a flashlight that can only work when the sun shines, worthless and insufficient. Surprise number 3: leaving the party after arriving only moments earlier. mary is upset, all i can do is leave and return to blythewood. the trip takes longer this time, it feels like waiting on santa claus. the seconds pass, the minutes go and go. my mind is so confused. its like all the events of the day got tossed into a blender and the outcomes were so mysterious it was hard to tell what happened, even though i was the one experiencing everything.

i arrive. i'm starving. i eat, and notice my brothers have enjoyed a scooter and flying down a hill on it. it seems like a good time i missed out on. i dont know how to react, whether to be upset that i missed out or to feel sorry for surprise number 3. i make no decision on reaction, i just move forward on the day. i see the scooter, but i'm quickly turned away from the scooter, surprise number 4: dad, mom, beth, david, and will pick me up, will leaves. i'm suddenly headed back to garner's ferry. my logistical mind gives up, my body could swear it's made this trip too many times in one day, and it's been made in a different car with different people both times. wow. analyzation, thinking, planning, and understanding are all impossible. i relax my thoughts like a runner after a quick sprint falls to the ground and just breathes. i breathe. we arrive to my car, i drive to my house and show off my new abode. a half hour later or so i'm back on the road, back to blythewood.

i arrive. my emotions are shot, my character so dumbfounded i look for a sense of belonging to anything. the scooter. my passions and intensions have wanted the scooter and the hill for hours now. jared has the scooter, i take it, i walk up the hill and by the time i'm at the top i'm on the phone. mary wants to have a serious conversation. we try to talk, my emotions, feelings, and understanding are all still scattered like papers flung off a desk from a frustrated office worker. i start down the hill on the scooter, surprise number 5: speed accelerates fast, too fast, i lose control. before i can react, this thick film of confusion that has frustrated my normality is exhausted and destroyed, i have a half a second to think. not enough time. i fall. no, i plunge to the ground. my shoes fly, my glasses vanish, the phone explodes and flies...wait, i fly! i face plant into the ground and immediately feel the rash of gravel and a fat pound to my face. reaction abilities awake from my mind like someone who recovers from amneshia at an instant and remembers. i run to the phone, find my glasses, and get my shoes. suddenly i see jared. i'm back on the phone. then i hear it, surprise number 6: oh man, you're bleeding. i tell mary, i'm hurt but i'll be fine, i'll call back later. a thin trickle begins to lazily fall from my face, is it sweat? no, blood. i feel like i'm rinsing my face off, but with soupy red ink. i wipe my face and my shirt is stained. i walk inside to countless shocked faces. i look in the mirror and start to clean up, then i see it, a droopy eye brow. almost impossible to think it was once even connected. a big red, jagged tear sits on my forhead and i know i'm doomed. surprise number 7: i panic, me and mom rush somewhere in my car but now she drives. for the seventh time that day, i'm in a different traveling situation. mom is lost, i cant see, i'm exploding about everything. finally we go to the emergency room.

we arrive. we fill out papers and i wait. will and dad come, mom leaves, beth comes back with mom, they leave. i wait. i bleed. i'm seen, but only to be told to wait more. a little kid passes by and stares at me like a painting where the eyes follow you, his eyes are glued to mine. i laugh. emotion for the first time starts to resurface. i laugh, and laugh more. i'm seen again, this time examined. will and dad are there with me. the verdict, surprise number 8: stitches.

will and dad leave. but rupit and jared have arrived. we change rooms, another locational disaster for my body and soul to try to understand. suddenly, i'm lying down with eyes taped shut. the entire day i've felt blinded by a film of confusion and shock, now i cant see. i know needles and pain are coming. i pray. i tell the Lord i know it will be painful, i dont know what to ask so i just think of whatever my brain can still process. surprise number 9: comfort. there should be pain but my eye brow and forehead are calm, like when the eye of a hurricane passes over. i'm stitched. the nurse cleans my arm, surprise number 10: unexplainable pain radiates throughout my body, i tremble. during my misfortune i try to sooth my soul with humor, or spanish, nothing really works.

we leave. this time jared drives, traveling situation is up to the 8th new situation. we talk, and arrive to rupit's. i'm still in blythewood. after a multifaceted arrangement of events and situations i'm back to where i started ten hours earlier. i leave.

this time i'm alone, i call mary and try to explain the day. nothing adequately describes it. the important conversation never happens. i arrive home. i finally have time to think, and then pain sets in. i'm hurt, i'm cut, and i know something is wrong, i begin to slip into an emotional coma. i ice my eye, and i'm in enough pain phsyically and emotionally my mentality is pushed aside. i sleep. the day ends with me on the couch wounded, confused, and baffled. i wake up and think, what happened?

can you explain it?